Leave children on sofa watching The Smurfs 2 and head to village hall for Rotary Club Shuffleboard Evening. Familiar gloom at prospect of any form of competitive games lifted slightly by team-mates’ repeated and possibly genuine assurances that they definitely have no ambitions to win anything, but can’t help slightly regretting self-imposed Lenten abstinence from drink.
While 11th Birthday Party Disco thumps away in next door room, organisers explain rules and emphasise that The Most Important Thing Is To Have Fun. Suspect that my appearances at shuffleboard table offer more fun to bystanders and competitors than to my bravely-smiling team-mates, but we persevere enthusiastically and do not come last in every round.
Plans for 2016 already somewhat behind schedule, but am excited by thought of bonus Leap Day tomorrow. Hope that it will allow me to set up new website, finish War and Peace, and write story that will win me £7,500.
Yesterday’s attempt to combine orthodontist trip with Family Day Out in local cathedral city much brightened by unexpected encounter with student nephew and his visiting brother in Waterstones; do not resist Pavlovian urge to ply them both with food, and head to one of several Mexican restaurants nearby for A Proper Meal (nephew takes photo of vegetables to show his mother). Discuss travel, McDonald’s, Twelfth Night, and the difference between burritos and enchiladas (none of us knows); wonder, not for first time, whether aunts have the very best role in family life.
Rejection from final publisher concludes short-lived ambition to write Brilliant Bestselling Book. Surprised to realise that am not too disappointed, and spend happy time day-dreaming about all the other exciting things that I might quite possibly do in future. Am very glad in meantime that own experience of provincial life bears as much resemblance to the relentless unpleasantness of The Casual Vacancy as my literary career does to J.K.Rowling’s.
With arrival of spring comes new crop of posters proclaiming forthcoming events around the village. Feel that Should Support fundraising event for nursery school but slightly horrified to notice that it is 80s/90s Theme Night – Fancy Dress Optional. Struggle to think of fancy dress to represent two decades which a) surely ended only yesterday and b) contained so many events of personal and world significance; so seek inspiration on internet. Choice appears to be Spice Girl or Baywatch Lifeguard.
Spend afternoon thinking Great Thoughts while scraping off old bathroom wallpaper (creativity always seems to flow better as soon as leave computer). Would like to enter suggestion for new life-affirming manifesto but suspect that own favoured mantras of Always Read the Question and Never Trust Anything Whatever The Source may not be quite what they are looking for.
Have for some months been mulling over idea for Brilliant Bestselling Book and at last begin to write it. With reading and Googling now legitimately reclassified as Important Research, find that day passes quite successfully, and start mentally rehearsing my promotional interview for Woman’s Hour.
Evening at village hall for Horticultural Association AGM, one of increasingly rare occasions where still feel quite young. Luckily no repeat of previous year’s unpleasantness over Floral Art rules, and all agree that Went Very Well.
Inspired by news that Persephone Books are publishing a new edition of “The Diary of a Provincial Lady”, re-read own battered Virago version for umpteenth time and am struck by disconcerting similarity of own life to heroine’s. Decide that recording own life in similar style might be useful step on desired path to literary immortality as would a) Build My Online Presence (apparently essential requisite for aspiring authors) and b) add new dimension to my writings (mostly comprising emergency ghost-writing of Year 7 essays and own Horticultural Association updates for the Parish News).
Relieved to find that setting up blog much like online supermarket order and proudly manage to do so without input of teenage children. Find comfort in lack of superfluous words and anonymous semi-detached style, though according to teenage daughter Sylvia Plath felt something similar – which is not entirely reassuring.